The Piña Colada incident
by ToscaThorCat
Summary: England has a bad evening involving Piña Coladas. And America. and music. Why did he let America talk him into this? T for some language.


England's bad night

 _ **AN: this was a prompt from SonicWinchester. She sent it to me and said "Write it." And I initially thought, "How on earth can I accomplish this?!" and then… inspiration struck in the form of a song… Thus, this fic was born. I do not own Hetalia, or the song used in this fic.**_

The world meeting was running late as usual, the arguments making the meeting much longer than necessary. As host, it is my job to make sure that everyone has a good stay in my country, but England seems to be in a particularly foul mood this evening.

"Hey, Iggy! Dude! Why the long face?!" I shout, throwing a hard pat on the back, which causes England to stumble forward a few steps.  
"Watch it you wanker!" he shouts, straightening his jacket.  
"Don't be like that, Iggy! Let's go for a brewsky!" I grab him by the shoulders and push him towards the door.

I drag Iggy a few blocks down to the first club I can find, some Hawaiian themed place. Sadly, they didn't really have a large beer list, but their tropical drink list was quite extensive. After three piña coladas, I was still not buzzed.

"Hey Iggy, how many of these do you think it will take for me to get drunk?" I ask. When I don't receive an answer, I look over at England.  
"Dude, you okay?" I ask.

He looks at me with a confused expression. Then scans the room. He finally peers into his glass, before looking back at me.

"I thought we were in New York?" he asks questioningly.

"…. Um. Yeah. Summit meeting. Remember?" I ask.

"but why does it look like Hawaii?" Iggy asks, glancing around again.

"How many have you had?" I ask, laughing.

He peers into his glass again, and seems to be thinking hard.  
"Half. …..I think."

"Half a gallon?" I joke.

"No, you twit. Half a…. what is this thing again?" he waves vaguely at his glass.

And of course, it isn't a Hawaiian themed bar if the Piña Colada song isn't played at least once. To my infinite surprise, Iggy starts singing along, albeit quite badly.

A plan starts forming in my head.

"…Hey Iggy. Wanna do something fun?" I ask.

"Yeah! That sounds….. um, fun?" his drunk mind trying to make a coherent thought.

"Sweet! Come with me dude!" I shout, dragging Iggy from the bar, leaving a 50 on the bar.

England staggers into me a few times along the way, each time he seems surprised to see me.  
"So, what are we doing?" he asks.

"Oh, just visiting someone." I reply.  
"Oh, okay." England replies.

The hotel the nations were staying at comes into view, and Iggy looks dazedly at me.  
"What are we doing?" he asks again.  
"Visiting someone." I reply.

"Oh. Okay."

We get into the elevator, and yet again, England looks at me, and asks

"What are we doing?"  
"Iggy, we are visiting someone."  
"Oh. Okay."

"Well, first I have to stop by my room for something."

I duck into my room and come out with a grocery bag.  
"What's that?" England asks, waving in the general direction of the bag.

"You'll see, Iggy."

"Oh, okay." He replies.

We reach the three room suite that the Nordic countries are sharing, and again, England asks, "What are we doing?"  
"You know that song you were singing earlier?" I ask.

"Yeah. I like that song." He replies.  
"Sing it." I tell him.

He opens his mouth to comply.  
"No, not just yet!" I say, holding my hand up.

I reach into the bag and pull out a pineapple.  
"Oh! I like pineapple!" England shouts.

I shush him. "Dude, not yet! Wait for my signal!"

I swipe the master key to the hotel, pull out my phone, and signal.

England starts to sing again.  
"Okay, just put on a Swedish accent, shove this pineapple down your top, and get in there." I say, nudging him forward.

He immediately switches to singing in a horrible attempt at a Swedish accent, and staggered into the room of the Nordic Trio. The soft conversations in the room grind to a halt as England starts singing loudly (and quite out of tune)  
"IF YOU LIKE PIÑA COLADAS, AND GETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN. IF YOU'RE NOT INTO YOGA, IF YOU HAVE HALF A BRAIN! IF YOU LIKE MAKING LOVE AT MIDNIGHT, IN THE DUNES ON THE CAPE, I'M THE LOVE THAT YOU'VE LOOKED FOR, WRITE TO ME AND ESCAPE~!"

…followed by the sounds of vomiting. Oh shit. I stop recording, and book it out of there before they can notice me, as their attention had been focused on England. …Poor guy, don't know what Sweden will do to him, but I got some killer video.

 _ **AN: …I actually had a relative that would ask the same question repeatedly when drunk. Funny old lady… god I miss her… It was during a game of poker that she did this… We were playing "Screw your neighbor" a multi-round game, and every round, "Who won?" "Nobody's won, Mary." "Oh, okay." Next round. "Who won?" "Nobody's won, Mary." "Oh, Okay." "Who won?" "Nobody's won." "Oh, okay. I'm going to bed." My cousin looked around at the other players, and said "Wow, that is one smashed old lady."**_

 _ **On another note, the prompt was**_

" _ **Okay, just put on a Swedish accent, shove this pineapple down your top, and get out there."**_

 _ **And that is the story behind this fic.**_


End file.
